Being
Comments 4

On the verge of adulthood

roadtripomslag


“Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them”. Dr. Seuss

As some of you may already know, I’m 29 years old. I think it is safe to say that what most people expect from me at this age is a reliable and responsible attitude, one of an adult that is. Hence, my age must clearly define me as a grown up, I mean obviously I cannot still be a teen in my late twenties. So how come I’m miles away from feeling like one? As a kid, I use to think that the day I’ll turn 18 (legal drinking age in France), would be the day I’ll be forced into adulthood. Couldn’t have been more wrong… The only thing that happened on that day was waking up with one of the biggest hangover of my life, as if someone was smashing my head with a shovel. I thought perhaps it isn’t our age that defines our maturity, but rather our actions. At the top of my head I’m thinking of the usual drill: driving, paying bills, working, moving out, falling in love, etc.… Well I certainly do all those things (except for driving, you don’t really need to in Paris), but doing them doesn’t make me feel any wiser.

In my mind, there is this chalky line drawn on the floor, one that separates me from a world of commitment and duties, the one line that all of us most eventually cross (except for Peter Pan, lucky bastard flew right over it). I don’t believe I’m an isolated case here: I see a whole generation resting in the comfort of youth and dreading to cross that freaking line once and for all. Society dictates all of it: poor job prospects call for longer study period while forever relying on our (amazing) parents for financial support. But the key societal trend holding us back isn’t economic but rather social. People marry late. That’s a fact. In the US alone, we are looking at a 4-year gap for first marriage between 1980 and 2010. And with late marriage comes late childbearing. I don’t know about you but the world I’m living in is one that favors independence, freedom  and youth over family, routine and obligations. Of course I’m contemplating the idea of finally starting my life with my boyfriend. That said, in my head, it is a one way street, where turning back isn’t optional. Especially with kids. The reality is that I still want a life full of excitement, long journeys and discoveries (see picture, *sigh*), but this sort of life seems incompatible with marital obligations.

I realize this means I’m not ready to settle down, but what I am here worried about is if I will ever be…? Now tell me, where do you stand on this line?

M

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Just under 30 and French, I am finishing my B.A. in communication at The Hague University (yes, I am kind of late bloomer, ambition kicked in late). Travelling is one of my central hobby and the reason why I put my professional life aside (until now). In my spare time I attempt to play the guitar, draw, cook lovely meals and indulge in a weekly wine tasting session with my man (yes just the two of us, it's very exclusive). Thanks for passing by and I hope you'll enjoy my blog! M.

4 Comments

  1. Brenna In France says

    I totally understand your feelings. After the initial shock of finding out I was pregnant, I couldn’t help but wonder where it left me. I always had known that to be what I felt is a good parent, you must change when you have children.. That your life is no longer about you but now should focus on your children. I was 29 when we discovered me to be pregnant, and I honestly had just started to feel secure in my life as an adult. Now everything would change. Our son is 8 months old now, and yes, things have changed- but my main concerns (that we would not be able to travel and have life experiences this way) seem to be really insignificant now. We are able to travel easily with some preparation and it will be a joy to share things with him as he gets older. How does your boyfriend feel about the topic?
    (I really enjoy your blog btw. My husband is from les sables d’olonne and we are moving to la Roche sur yon from the USA in May.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • I never thought of it that way, I always assumed it would change things but I always looked at what it would stop me from doing, not what I could be sharing. Thank you for that, it’s just what I needed to hear! Yes my boyfriend and I have talked about all this, he is very down to earth, make it all sound so simple and natural. I guess it is, I just don’t feel like I would be up to the task. Like you say, it’s not about just you anymore, you become entirely responsible for another human being. Did you doubted yourself first? Hope you guys enjoy la Roche, it’s a lovely town!

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      • Brenna In France says

        Well, it’s a huge decision. It’s easy for men to say that it will be simple, they aren’t the one who will be making a new human inside them haha 🙂 My husband was really blase about it until it was time for me to give birth and I think he realized just how hard it is on your body. Yes it is natural, but it is difficult.
        You know yourself and how you feel deep inside about children. Do you like them? If you aren’t very fond of them, that won’t change except to get worse, especially when they are screaming at 3am.

        I did doubt myself, I never spent a lot of time with children (even though I liked them) and knew nothing about babies. I worried I would be a bad mother. They are a lot easier than you’d think, it’s mostly common sense…but you need a LOT of patience. You won’t be a bad mother as long as you love them and want what’s best for them. I still get a bit nostalgic thinking about my pre-motherhood days. It’s a tradeoff. I love my son and think he’s wonderful. If I really want to go out without him I can, just takes a bit of planning. For what I’m gaining I don’t think I’ve lost anything important.

        I never even thought about having children with anyone I dated before my husband. It’s one of the reasons I knew he was the right person for me, I caught myself thinking he’d be a great father.

        I’m so sorry this is so long! In the end, it’s your body and your life and no one can really tell you what choice to make. I think if you are ready you will know. Good luck (I can’t wait to read more of your posts!)

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      • Thank you for taking the time! Looking forward to read your adventures in France. I think it will feel right, I do love kids, and I’m sure I love mine the most someday!

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